So far, this year has been a strange one: a lot of things have changed and it has taken me a while to sort through the mass of conflicting feelings these changes have brought on.
Six months after falling ill, back in November, I am still not at 100%. I’ve been back at work for a good couple a months and I am back to an almost normal life but everything takes longer, requires more effort. Even taking a deep breath is still – not painful – but nagging. Psychologically it has taken its toll: after chomping at the bit, eager for things to go back to normal, I have been feeling a little despondent.
While I was away, things have also changed at work: in order to save money, they have reduced the number of hours and cut the amount of staff working every day and even for functions. Moneywise, I can understand where they are coming from but it has caused a slight fall in the level of service and, more to the point, an general air of disinterest and dejection amongst the staff that I find dispiriting.
Mentally, all this has left me in a bit of a funk. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I either won’t get back to how I was before or that it will take a lot longer than the 4 to 6 months I was told to expect. That acceptance and my new-found love of gardening have given me a sense of peace. Since February I have spent most of my time planning, sowing, trying new (to me, at least) ideas, and planting. Last year I just threw some potatoes in and hoped for the best but this year I have really put in some thought and effort and I have actually taken a great pleasure in it.
Hopefully, the harvest will compensate for the decrease in salary.